When both of my in-laws passed away within hours of each other, I thought we were “prepared.” We had the basics covered—at least, that’s what we told ourselves. But when it came time to sort through the paperwork, bills, and decisions, I realized how unprepared we really were.
One missing password caused weeks of delays. One misunderstanding between families caused tension that still lingers. And the hardest part? Watching grief get tangled up in logistics.
That’s what happens when someone dies without a clear plan.
What Does “Dying Without a Will” Actually Mean?
If your parent passes away without a will, the legal term is “intestate.” In simple terms:
The court decides how their assets are divided.
State laws, not family conversations, dictate who inherits.
Loved ones lose the chance to carry out wishes that were never written down.
Usually, a spouse inherits first, then children, then extended family. But every state is different—and the lack of clarity often creates confusion, delays, and extra legal costs.
Why It’s Harder Without a Will
Here’s the part most families don’t realize:
Probate takes longer. Without instructions, courts take more time to sort through decisions.
Costs increase. Legal fees can climb higher than the $14,000 average.
Family conflict rises. When no one knows what Mom or Dad wanted, arguments are almost guaranteed.
Executors feel unprepared. On average, settling an estate takes 570+ hours—and without a will, it’s even heavier.
Watch: What Really Happens Without a Will
Our friends at Parenting Aging Parents put together a helpful video that explains what families actually face when a loved one dies without a will. It’s a short, practical overview that brings this reality to life:
Key Takeaways:
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Without a will, state law determines inheritance, which may not align with family expectations.
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The estate goes through probate—a public, lengthy, and often expensive process.
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Guardianship of minor children may be left up to a judge.
A friend of mine went through this exact situation. Her dad had everything lined up—except signing the will. When he passed, the court stepped in, making decisions about guardianship and executorship. It was painful for the family, and it was completely avoidable.
Why Do Families Avoid Estate Planning Conversations?
In my own survey last year, people admitted the reasons they procrastinate:
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“I’d take action if I had more confidence in my own knowledge.”
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“Sometimes it feels easier to do nothing than to face all of it.”
Fear, mistrust, and overwhelm—not lack of love—are what hold people back. And that’s why these conversations matter.
How Can Families Start the Estate Planning Conversation?
Here are some practical steps you can take right now:
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Check in gently. Try: “I’ve been updating my own documents—have you looked at yours recently?”
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Share your example. Showing your own durable power of attorney, medical power of attorney, or advance directive makes the process feel less intimidating.
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Offer support. Help research estate attorneys or walk through resources together.
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Set reminders. Revisit every few years or after major life events.
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Find out what’s missing. Take the free What Documents Do You Need? Quiz to quickly see which estate planning essentials your family already has—and which ones may need attention.
Estate planning isn’t just paperwork—it’s peace of mind. Whether you use these videos as conversation starters or as your own guide, remember: this is about protecting your people, not just your property.
Starting the conversation today could save your family from confusion and conflict tomorrow. And if you’re not sure where to begin, the What Documents Do You Need? Quiz is an easy, no-stress way to take the first step.
